Thursday, April 14, 2005
Jesus Offs the Pigs
Okay, only one more, and I promise to lay off of Jesus for a while...
Mark 5:And the Gadarenes were never heard from again because they fucking starved to death.
1 And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes.
2 And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,
3 Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:
4 Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.
5 And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.
6 But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,
7 And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.
8 For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.
9 And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
10 And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country.
11 Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.
12 And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.
13 And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.
14 And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.
15 And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.
16 And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine.
17 And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts.
Let's get this straight. Jesus heals the town madman, but in the process, He wastes 2000 pigs. I may be wrong, but I'm guessing that 2000 pigs was, like, the entire wealth of that parish. The villagers politely ask Him to leave, which He does (before the pig carcasses start stinking), but the damage is done.
Now, Jesus was a Jew, so he probably wasn't thinking of the pigs as food. The Gadarenes, alas, were not consulted.
Later on in the story, the healed madman begs to come along with the cool kids, but Jesus tells him no, no, run along and tell everybody what happened.
I'm sure that guy was the toast of the town after that.